and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
