Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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