You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
