im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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