I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
