i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She needs sedatives and a leash
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize