Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
