Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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