he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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