You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
