if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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