I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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