I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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