I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is wine microwaveable?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
