So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
