In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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