dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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