I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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