YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
