there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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