Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
