Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
