I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Houston, we have a squirter
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
