I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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