My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
