I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
