all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
