He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
