Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
