she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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