well I can't set my house on fire every night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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