why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
