I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
