What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
