So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
