Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
