we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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