I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
