i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
