clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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