I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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