We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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