my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
