is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
