Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
