I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
