I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we have officially lost it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
