Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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