Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
