I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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