Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
