i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
