Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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