i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
