I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
