I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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