i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
