I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
3pm strippers are depressing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
