Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
