just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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