I puked a lego.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
