she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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