"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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