does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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