Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
wow bdsm is so cute
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