I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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