I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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