Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
