Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
